Catching The Starlight
by TalisTheIntrovert
Summary: The day after Elizabeth and Darcy get engaged, Elizabeth receives a distressing letter from Mr Collins, which sends her into a terrible depression and severely alters the weeks following. Neither Darcy nor Jane has never seen her this way. Their engagement still unannounced, Darcy must find a way to express his worries without raising suspicion, as Lizzie refuses to talk.
1. Words So Sweet

**_It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song_**  
 ** _You can't believe it_**  
 ** _You were always singing along_**  
 ** _It was so easy and the words so sweet_**  
 ** _You can't remember_**  
 ** _You try to feel the beat..._**

 **REGINA SPEKTOR**

* * *

When Mr Darcy arrived with his friend at Longbourn the day after his second proposal, he was disappointed to find that the one woman he wished to see was noticeably absent.

All the ladies returned to their seats and Mrs Bennet turned to Bingley, "Your visit was most unexpected sir! You'll have to excuse the absence of my Lizzie, she has this morning received some long overdue letters from the house of Collins and has disappeared to the gardens to read them. I am sure she will join us in time, but of course you only came to visit Jane."

"Mama," Jane said hesitantly, but Bingley just smiled at her as though he hadn't heard.

Mrs Bennet watched as he took a seat beside his betrothed and cast her eyes darkly over Mr Darcy even as he turned towards the window. He tried to appear as though he weren't searching for her, but he couldn't help the furtive glances up the trails, and Bingley caught his eye. He cast his mind back to the day before.

It had been Elizabeth's suggestion to keep the news quiet for a few days more, to let Jane and Bingley have the spotlight for a while longer. However, he did suspect that Elizabeth had suggested it at least partially due to fear of telling her parents, and for that he could not fault her. They had agreed each to tell only one person, and judging by Jane's concerned glances between him, Bingley and her mother, she could be in no doubt of her sister's feelings. Bingley nodded slightly and he tried to suppress a sigh.

Five minutes of awkward silence punctuated by Mrs Bennet's nattering slowly dragged on. Mr Bingley and Jane felt ill at ease to be talking freely in the company of her mother, and her sisters did not know at what length they could talk. Besides which, Mr Darcy was silent as a statue, and so Mrs Bennet continued, oblivious to the uncomfortable quiet around her. Three more minutes stretched by before he rolled his eyes away from the window and grimaced at the family.

"I must continue with the day's errands, and as I see Mr Bingley to be quite settled here for the morning, I believe I may excuse myself to complete them alone."

"Come now, Darcy, I can–"

"No, my friend, you are perfectly content here, and I have much to do." He turned and bowed his head to Mrs Bennet, "Thank you for your hospitality."

He then turned and walked stiffly out of the room, Jane's eyes following him pityingly, while Mrs Bennet's looked only to him in mild annoyance. He opened the door and wandered down the lane towards his horse. When he had steadied himself on the saddle, he dug his heels into the horse's side gently, and it began to move slowly in the direction of town, via the edge of the Longbourn property. He was lost in thought, and did not truly intend to reach town before Charles, so he took a moment to look around, to take in the gardens. The few brief walks he had embarked on in the area had always been accompanied by Miss Bennet, and he acknowledged that his attention was usually completely enthralled by her.

As he meandered down the lane, he passed a huge tree and lost sight of the building he was leaving behind. It was behind this tree that Elizabeth Bennet could be found, sitting on a bench beside it, obscured from the view of the house.

He dismounted, "Miss Bennet?"

She looked up, startled, and clutched a letter to her chest, "Oh! Mr Darcy."

"I'm sorry, I did not mean to frighten you. I thought you must have heard my horse?"

"Yes! No… I… I was lost in thought…" She said softly, and it was then that he noticed the redness around her eyes.

"Miss Bennet, are you well?" The memory of the last time he'd asked her such a question flashed briefly across his mind, and he swallowed, worried.

"Uhm… I…" She paused for a long moment and put a hand to her forehead.

"If it is a personal matter, Miss Bennet, something you do not wish to discuss, I can leave you–"

"No," she said softly, "Please, I… I would very much like to be able to discuss personal matters with you, Mr Darcy."

"And I would very much like to listen." He replied, and she nodded, suddenly unable to speak. He tied his horse to a low hanging branch of the tree and sat down beside her on the bench, "What is it, Miss Bennet?"

Her eyes filled with fresh tears, "My good friend, Charlotte Lucas, Charlotte _Collins_ …has died."

"Miss Bennet, I am truly sorry!" Mr Darcy said with feeling, "What can I do?"

She smiled sadly as the tears began to form pools beneath her chin, "I fear there is nothing to do but grieve. And I must tell my family."

Darcy pulled a clean handkerchief from his pocket and offered it to her. She took it and thanked him, and began dabbing at her eyes.

"Would you prefer that I tell your family, if it is too painful to discuss?" He offered.

"No, thank you, that is very kind, but this is news that I must share."

"Do you… Are you aware of what happened?" Darcy asked carefully.

"Yes." She whispered.

"Would you feel comfortable telling me?"

"She wrote to me, some weeks ago, to tell me she was with child," She paused, a guilty look crossing her face, "I tried to be happy for her, but I could not fathom a happy childhood for a creature under the care of Mr Collins, no matter the capabilities of my friend. I responded as kindly as I could, but I fear she knew of my true feelings… I have never been very capable of hiding my emotions from Charlotte. That was the last letter she received from me before she…"

"Oh, Miss Bennet…" Darcy did not know what to say.

Lizzie smiled bitterly, "Jane would be so disappointed."

"I am certain that is not true," Darcy responded, but she shook her head, frustrated.

"The letter I wrote… it was not becoming of me, and not indicative of the friendship we have maintained our entire lives. I was not direct in my rudeness, but there is certainly a dearth of consideration."

"Miss Bennet," Darcy said sympathetically, and she sighed.

"She had not responded for a long time, and when I obtained _two_ letters this morning, I was anxious to read them and respond more sympathetically than I had to the last. The first was inconsequential, obviously sent before she received my last. The second… it acknowledged my feelings but asked that I be happy for her all the same. She… She mentioned that she was feeling ill, but she was sure it was nothing. I was confused at first, to find a letter from Mr Collins stuffed in the envelope, but upon finishing Charlotte's letter…" It was at this point that Elizabeth Bennet dissolved into tears and covered her face with her hands, "I am so sorry Mr Darcy, I am not a convivial host of your attentions today."

"That is of no consequence, Miss Bennet," He reached out and pried her hands from her face, holding them gently between them, "What did Mr Collins have to say?"

"Mr Collins… He wrote to tell me that my friend had collapsed on a walk to a dinner with Lady Catherine. He made it clear that it was an inconvenience for her Ladyship, but despite this, her personal physician was called… and that despite her Ladyship's _impressive condescension_ my friend perished, due to 'birthing complications'. Mr Collins regretted to inform me that his wife and son _died_ under such inopportune circumstances," Her voice dripped with fury as she repeated Mr Collins' words and Mr Darcy shook his head in anger.

"Miss Bennet, I am so sorry. I want to help as much as I can, may I do anything for your present relief – I can send you back to Longbourn on my horse if you wish?"

"I thank you, Mr Darcy, but I wish to stay here for some time longer. I believe I must regain my composure before I can face my mother today."

"I believe you must have long been desiring my absence–"

"Not at all!" Elizabeth looked up for the first time that day and found his brown eyes staring at her in worry. She shook her head, "Would you mind, if it is not too much trouble, staying with me for a few minutes more? I do not wish to be alone."

"Of course, Miss Bennet."

She closed her eyes and focussed on getting her breathing under control, and Mr Darcy leaned in closer and kissed her hand. She sobbed quietly, "I should apologise for being so fretful in your company Mr Darcy, I do not wish to be."

"No, no, Miss Bennet, your friend of many years has passed, you do not have to apologise. In fact, I would appreciate it very much if you never apologised for sharing your emotions with me. My greatest wish is that you never feel you have anything to hide where I am concerned. I do not want to be a person that you fear, Miss Bennet."

She squeezed his hands tighter, but did not open her eyes, "Thank you," she breathed.

"You are more than welcome, Miss Bennet."

They sat that way in prolonged silence, but it was not one of discomfort as the one in the sitting room had been earlier that morning; it was a silence of comfortability, a silence of mutual agreement to just _be._

Mr Darcy watched her face as they sat, watched the breath leave her lungs in little bursts of fog against the cold air, and tried to imagine mornings spent this way under happier circumstances.

"Lizzie?" Someone called through the hedgerow, and they dropped their hands, and Mr Darcy stood up and folded his arms behind his back. Jane emerged and stopped suddenly when she saw the two of them, "Oh! I am so sorry; would you like me to come back?"

"No, Jane!" Lizzie gasped, "Please stay, Mr Darcy was just staying to make sure I was well."

"Oh Lizzie, you have been crying, whatever is the matter?" Jane cried, kneeling down beside her sister. Lizzie picked up the letters from her side and handed them to Jane. Jane paced unhurriedly as she read them, finally finishing Mr Collins' letter as tears formed in her eyes.

"Oh, poor Charlotte! Poor Sir William Lucas! Poor Mr Collins!"

"Poor Mr Collins?" Elizabeth said bitterly, and Jane gave her a meaningful look.

"Lizzie, however much you did not like Mr Collins, he has still lost his wife and child, and I am sure he feels the loss as keenly as you do for your friend."

"Of course. I am just… I will never get to see my friend again," Elizabeth said emotionally.

Jane looked at Mr Darcy, who was hovering, seemingly trying to decide whether to scoop Elizabeth into his arms or stay stock still in the presence of her most beloved sister. He was wringing his hands behind his back, and she sighed, "Mama sent me to find you. We have an engagement with Aunt Phillips – her dinner party, do you recall? Mr Darcy and Charles and his sisters will be attending also. She wishes us to be ready soon. I am sure if we tell her of the circumstances of your letters, she will excuse us."

Elizabeth shook her head fervently, "No, I would like to go."

"You would?" Jane and Mr Darcy asked in unison.

"I need to distract myself from my woes, and dinner with my aunt is a good way to do so."

"Are you sure, Miss Bennet?" Darcy looked apprehensive.

"Yes. Yes, I will go, and we will tell Mama tomorrow, when I have had some time to come to terms with this terrible news." She said, feeling the lump in her throat rising anew.

"If that is what you believe is best." Jane offered her a hand and Elizabeth took it, rising from the bench and taking a deep breath.

Jane nodded at Mr Darcy, "Thank you, for taking care of her. Charles has gone into town, I am sure you can meet him there. We will see you at dinner this evening."

He bowed and looked to Lizzie, "I will be there, Miss Bennet."

He turned and began to untie his horse, when Jane reappeared by his shoulder. He glanced around but Lizzie had evidently headed back toward the warmth of the house. Jane looked apprehensive, and she was glancing the same way, watching for some sign that Elizabeth was moving away from them. Satisfied that her sister was no longer within earshot, she readjusted her gaze to her future brother-in-law.

"Mr Darcy, I am sure I do not have to explain to you that my sister is upset. However, I believe it is important for you to understand the extent of her distress. Elizabeth has been friends with Charlotte since they were children – they were like sisters, almost as close as Lizzie and I. Perhaps more, in some ways. She has never suffered such a devastating loss, and I am unsure how to proceed, because _she_ is unsure how to proceed. I am concerned that her behaviour may be somewhat erratic in the next few days, and weeks, and I would like some assurance that you will not… _abandon_ my beloved sister, in her time of need."

Mr Darcy nodded, "I respect your concerns, but I can promise you that I will not remove my proposal, nor will I run from Miss Bennet, simply due to some uncharacteristic conduct. I have been in love with your sister for a long time, and I intend to be the person she has grown to love, not the man she used to despise. If she requires anything from me, I will do it, without hesitation."

Jane nodded and smiled, her worries abated, at least for the moment, and excused herself to return to the house and tend to Elizabeth.

Darcy mounted his horse and began toward town with haste, aiming to catch up with his friend, but his mind was elsewhere; all he was occupied with was the sadness etched on his betrothed's face, and how he could soften it.


	2. Share The Dark

_**But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see,**_  
 _ **So we can both be there and we can both share the dark.**_  
 _ **And in our honesty, together we will rise,**_  
 _ **Out of our nightminds, and into the light**_  
 _ **At the end of the fight...**_

 **MISSY HIGGINS**

* * *

Mrs Bennet was performing her usual show at Mrs Phillips' dinner; she whispered far too loudly for secrecy and waved her knowledge and her daughters accomplishments over the heads of those who sat close enough to listen. Mr Bennet was also in fine form that evening, nodding politely at the comments of others and trying his best to ignore his wife, and to shush her when her accusations and boasts became too much for polite society.

The seating arrangements were muddled, as Jane had thrown the whole plan into disarray when Mrs Bennet announced the engagement to Mr Bingley loudly enough for the entire room to hear. Mrs Phillips flew into a panic, and decided to blend the two tables together – the Bingley's and the Bennet's – so as not to offend either party by removing Jane or Charles. Instead of being seated at two small, separate, square-ish tables, Mrs Phillips found them a much larger, rounder one, and moved the couples seated there onto the two others now spare. So, Jane and Charles sat together, and on Bingley's side were Darcy, Caroline, then Mrs and Mr Hurst, and on Jane's were Lizzie, followed by Mary, Kitty, Mr and Mrs Phillips, and Mr and Mrs Bennet, who ended up on Mr Hurst's right. Jane and Charles had both subtly tried to influence the table so as to place Darcy and Elizabeth together, but Caroline was quite insistent on her having him beside herself.

Lizzie was unusually quiet that evening, refusing to involve herself in even the lightest of conversation, and she followed in the example of Mary and her father, and tried to ignore her mother and just reach the evening's end. She had thought that being out in the company of friends and associates would lift her spirits, but instead she felt alone, with exception to Jane, who kept offering sentences in her direction.

It was a quieter affair this evening – while many families and couples had accepted the invitation, the Lucases, and therefore Sir William, usually the cheeriest guest at any party, had politely declined.

"So, that's two daughters engaged now, Mrs Bennet!" One of her gossipy acquaintances remarked from the table behind her. She leaned back, forgetting about dessert entirely, and waved her arms about in excitement.

"Oh yes! I am so very proud, I am near beside myself with excitement!" Mrs Bennet said brightly, then barely lowered her voice so as to seem conspiratorial, "Of course, I _could_ have three daughters engaged, but Lizzie thinks it below herself to marry! In fact, some months ago, she had a suitor within her grasp, and when he offered his hand, what do you think? She refused him!"

Caroline seemed instantly to perk up, and she too forgot about the sugary plate in front of her so as to better hear the conversation being had to her right. She needn't have bothered, for Mrs Bennet could surely have been heard across the room, despite the many conversations being had.

The whole table fell quiet to listen, and Mr Darcy glanced at Elizabeth – had she told her mother of his first proposal? She shook her head at him – of course she hadn't, she would not humiliate anyone like that. Her mother, on the other hand…

"Truly!?" The other woman gasped theatrically and Mrs Bennet knew she had a captive audience.

"Truly, Beryl! You recall Mr Collins? Well, he proposed to my Lizzie before he saw to Charlotte. It was only because she turned him down, point blank I might add, that he even went to the Lucases in the first place!"

Jane's eyes widened slightly, and her eyes flicked across to her sister, but Elizabeth was doing her best to seem like she could not hear. Jane knew she could though – she could see Lizzie's hands beneath the table, scrunching her dress against her knees.

Darcy, too, was concerned. He was barely surprised by the revelation that she had turned down Mr Collins – if she had been the kind of woman to marry that odious man, he would never have been so taken by her. He knew her to be a woman of integrity: she would not allow a man like Mr Collins to _own_ her, she wanted to be her own woman. He respected that immensely. No, he was concerned that she would hear the words of her mother as not just a reminder of the friend she had lost that morning, but as encouragement that it was her fault. He wished to lean around his friend and her sister and tell her it wasn't so, that she could afford herself no blame, but he knew how improper that would appear, so he remained silent, and listened in dread as Mrs Bennet continued.

"Oh yes, Beryl! And of course, she did have a particular friendship with Mr Wickham, but he left town before he could propose, and when he came back she had lost interest in his affections, and then he married my youngest, Lydia. So that is _two_ men that my Lizzie has rebuffed with no rhyme nor reason!" She pronounced, and this time Darcy's head twisted sharply in her direction, but he was not the only one. Now the whole table was staring at her. She looked around at them all, unsure, and it was Jane who spoke up.

"Mama, that is not true, Mr Wickham was never going to propose to Lizzie."

"He might have done, had she given him the chance!" Mrs Bennet snapped.

"That is not fair, Mama, she never wanted–"

"No, of course not, she never thinks of anyone but herself."

"Mama!" Jane said, as the same time as Mr Bennet said,

"Wife!"

"It is true, if Lizzie had accepted either one of them, she could be happy now – as content as Lydia, or as comfortable as her friend Charlotte Lucas."

Mrs Bennet could not have known how insensitive she was being in regards to Charlotte, but she should have known better than to brag about Lydia's happiness, considering the widely-discussed elopement. It was this final comment that sent Elizabeth over the edge, and Jane could see the tears rising up again. She reached out to her, but Lizzie flinched back and looked down at her dessert.

"Is that true, Eliza?" Caroline asked, relishing the moment, hoping fervently that Mr Darcy would now see the error of his feelings towards her.

Lizzie sipped her wine, "Which part, Miss Bingley?"

"Surely, all of it?"

"No, not all of it. Mr Wickham and I were never anything more than friends, and now we are no more than brother and sister, and not close ones at that." She resisted the urge to look at Mr Darcy.

"But Mr Collins? He only proposed to your friend because you _turned him down?_ How on earth did you refuse such a man?" Caroline said mockingly, and Lizzie could take it no more.

She stood, throwing her napkin down next to her plate, "Excuse me, I have something of a headache. I believe I will get some fresh air." She spun on her heel and removed herself from the dining room.

"Lizzie?" Jane called after her, but she did not stop, "Mama, that was not very nice!"

"Why should I care?" She said flippantly.

Mr Bennet grumbled, "Wife! You should not say such things!"

"I do not understand your favouritism of Lizzie, Mr Bennet. She has done nothing but disappoint us in the avenue of finding a husband," Mrs Bennet said, then turned back to Beryl and proceeded to continue the conversation, turning it to someone in the village's son, as though such an earthshattering event had not just occurred at the table.

Caroline looked over at Darcy, who was staring so hard at the fork in his hand that he might have bored a hole in it, and she felt satisfied that he was regretting his interest in Elizabeth Bennet. In actuality, it was taking every bit of his strength not to go running out of the room after her.

* * *

Elizabeth did not come back when they finished their desserts. She did not return when they had all moved into the other room for tea. Jane seemed anxious to leave, to find her sister, but she was surrounded by so many people congratulating her and asking questions of her and her fiancé that she couldn't find a way out. She only had one hope; she searched around the room until her eyes landed on Mr Darcy, standing rigidly in the corner, away from the crowd, but close to Charles's sisters. She mouthed, _Lizzie,_ at him, and he nodded.

"I apologise, but I must retire to Netherfield early – I have not written to Georgiana for many days, and I fear she will believe my neglecting her. If I finish writing this letter this evening, I can send it first thing tomorrow, but if not, it will not be done until the day after, and I cannot let that happen. Pray, forgive me?" He looked to the women, and they both smiled at him, simpering.

"Of course, Mr Darcy, but we know that is not why you are _truly_ leaving." Caroline said jovially, and he raised an eyebrow.

"Oh?"

"Yes of course! You find these kinds of gatherings to be _insupportable_ and you are retreating." She said, in such a way as to suggest they shared an in-joke, and he resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"Believe what you will, Miss Bingley, Mrs Hurst, I must beg my absence." And with that, he quietly exited the room.

* * *

Elizabeth was not in the hallway, nor was she downstairs, and he began to feel a creeping sense of worry. He opened the front door and stepped out into the chilly night. He looked out over the property, as far as the light would go, but he could see nothing beyond a few feet. He was about to head out into the night, when he heard a sniffle to his right. He looked over, but no-one was there as far as the corner. She must have been on the other side, hiding. He walked across, and when he arrived at the corner of the house, he found Elizabeth, face in hands, leaning against the wall away from view of the windows and the front door.

"Miss Bennet?" He enquired, and she gasped slightly.

"Mr Darcy!" She turned away from him slightly to wipe the tears from her cheeks, and he hovered with some level of awkwardness, unsure how to be of assistance, or even if she wanted him there.

"My apologies, I merely wanted to enquire as to your health."

"I am well, Mr Darcy."

"That is not true, Miss Bennet." He said sympathetically, "You do not have to lie to me."

She let her hands drop to her sides, and looked up at him, "I know. You did not have to come and find me."

"I know." He responded and she smiled, shivering. Mr Darcy removed his jacket and placed it around her shoulders, despite her protests, "No, Miss Bennet, I will not have you freeze to death simply out of stubbornness."

She laughed, a small noise, but one he was glad to hear.

"You mustn't know me well, Mr Darcy. I would gladly freeze to death of stubbornness."

His expression softened, "I am well aware of your temperament, that is why I will not let you. My obstinacy can rival even yours, I am certain."

"Yes, I suppose it can," She murmured.

"I am sorry for your mother's behaviour, it was very wrong of her to attack you so."

"What did she say of me that was not true? I _did_ refuse Mr Collins, and then he proposed to Charlotte."

"No, Miss Bennet." He said harshly.

"I'm sorry?" She asked, confused.

"The death of your friend is not your fault. Correlation does not equal causation. For all you know, if you had married Mr Collins and Miss Lucas had married another, she may still have died in childbirth. Some women are simply of that… disposition."

Elizabeth sighed, "I know. I just… I was so…"

"You're worried about your last letter? You're concerned that you were not nice enough?"

"Yes." Elizabeth sobbed.

"Charlotte Lucas knew that you did not mean your words so severely, I'm sure. You had been friends for many years, and I can easily believe that she knew that your unease came only from a place a love, and companionship. I am certain she held no ill will for you before her passing." Darcy said.

She blinked up at him and wrung her hands together. He moved closer to shelter her from the wind, and suddenly became aware of the scandalous nature of their position. He was standing so close to her in the shadows cast by the house, and his jacket was draped about her shoulders. Elizabeth seemed to notice, but made no move to remedy the situation; she was taking in the warmth radiating from him, enjoying the comfort she received from his standing by her. He, however, could not allow them to be discovered alone, in the dark, and so he brought one of her hands to his lips.

"I must return to Netherfield, and I suggest you return to your sister, she is worried."

"Yes." Lizzie said contemplatively.

"Charles has invited your family to dine with us tomorrow evening… I can make certain that you are sitting between myself and your sister, if you wish?"

She sighed, "Yes. I would like nothing more."

He released her hand and she instantly felt the loss of its weight in her own, "Then I bid you goodnight, Miss Bennet. I will attend to you tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Mr Darcy." She shrugged off his jacket and handed it to him and he bowed, retreating across to his horse.

* * *

Elizabeth waited around the side of the house until Charles and his sisters had also left for Netherfield, and then she returned to the house. When she entered, she held her breath for her mother's approaching censure, but nothing came, and Jane was the only person who seemed to even notice her return. Mrs Bennet was deep in discussion with Beryl and Mrs Phillips, and some other ladies were gathered around them, listening intently.

Jane touched her elbow, and she shook her head, "I am perfectly well. Mr Darcy checked that I was, which I presume was your suggestion?"

Jane nodded, "I would have gone myself, but Charles and I were trapped in congratulations, so I left it up to him. He is a kindhearted man, Lizzie, and very much in love with you."

"I know," Lizzie said softly, and there was something in her expression which Jane had never seen before, and which she did not like. Lizzie felt the heat of tears behind her eyes and closed them, "I wish he was not so good, or so in love."

"Whyever would you say such a thing?" Jane asked, but Elizabeth did not answer, lost in thought, and Jane was left to ponder it on her own. As the evening drew to a close, Lizzie said fewer words in conversation than she'd ever said in her life, and Mr Bennet began to be worried. Even as they bid their goodbyes, she could barely muster a smile enough for her aunt, and was silent on the carriage ride home. Once home she disappeared straight up to bed without a single word. He resolved to discuss it with her in the morning.


	3. One More Light

_**If they say**_  
 _ **Who cares if one more light goes out?**_  
 _ **In a sky of a million stars**_  
 _ **It flickers, flickers**_  
 _ **Who cares when someone's time runs out?**_  
 _ **If a moment is all we are**_  
 _ **We're quicker, quicker**_  
 _ **Who cares if one more light goes out?**_  
 _ **Well I do.**_

 **LINKIN PARK**

* * *

The next morning, after some pressing, Elizabeth told her father the sad news.

"Oh Lizzie, why did you not say anything?" Her father asked pityingly, patting her arm.

"Everyone was in such high spirits, I did not wish to ruin them with my misery."

"I think your mother did a perfectly good job of ruining everyone's high spirits on her own." Mr Bennet pointed out.

"Oh, I don't know. I believe Caroline Bingley was thankful for Mama's outburst, as she now has more reasons to dislike me." Lizzie quipped.

Mr Bennet chuckled, "There's the Lizzie I know. I am glad to have her back, even for the briefest of moments: she was noticeably absent yesterday."

"I will attempt to remain present today."

"My dear, I could not fault you for it, you are saddened. If you do not wish to attend dinner at Netherfield this evening, I am convinced I can excuse you." Mr Bennet said kindly, but she shook her head.

"No, I wish to go, I wish to be with Jane."

"If you are certain, I shall not stop you, but only if you are certain."

Lizzie thought about the evening before, remembered Mr Darcy's kind words and appraising gaze, "I am certain."

* * *

Later that afternoon, the rest of the family was informed by Mr Bennet of Charlotte's passing, and they all reacted with a hearty degree of sadness. Elizabeth found the entire conversation to be trying, but she knew that their despondency was honest. She accepted their condolences, and smiled at her sisters, but her mother's came with no apology for the previous evening, and Elizabeth found herself feeling more bitter than usual.

Her mother's crass behaviour had never bothered her to this extent before, and although it was usually some level of embarrassing, she had always managed to dismiss it. Today, however, she found that she could find no forgiveness, not that her mother asked for it.

Jane could see her discomfort and quickly steered the conversation to other things, "Mama, what shall we wear to Netherfield this evening?"

Mrs Bennet immediately rushed to action, flurrying about the house to ensure everything was perfect. Kitty enjoyed the attention bestowed upon her, that had only started once Lydia had moved away, but Mary found it unbearable. Jane and Lizzie could usually smile away, but Elizabeth was in no mood for her mother's antics.

"Would you like me to do your hair, Lizzie?" Jane asked.

"You do not have to be so kind to me, Jane. Tend to yourself. I may manage on my own."

Jane started to protest, but Elizabeth was saved from having to disappoint her, by Mary.

"Please, Jane, may you do my hair? I do not think I could bear another evening at the hands of Mama." Mary asked, and the older girls smiled knowingly. Jane agreed, but when she looked to include Lizzie, the woman had disappeared to her own quarters.

Mary caught the glance and nodded, "Lizzie does seem remarkably unlike herself."

"She is grieving, Mary," Jane agreed.

"I cannot imagine how she must be feeling, if this is how she is perceived." Mary commented.

"I'm sorry?"

" _My grief lies all within; and these external manner of laments are merely shadows of the unseen grief that swells with silence in the tortured soul_ ," Mary recited, "Shakespeare tells us that no matter how offended or distressed someone may appear, what goes on beneath it is much more powerful. Her sadness is…"

"Indisputable," Jane finished for her, and Mary sighed agreement.

Elizabeth Bennet was not seen until they all ascended into the carriage, her dress and hair simply done, and a small smile on her lips. Jane was beginning to get increasingly worried, and contemplated turning the carriage around and leaving Elizabeth at home, but decided against it. Perhaps a night with Mr Darcy and Mr Bingley would do her sister some good – an evening with friends being preferable to staying at home alone.

* * *

Elizabeth was quietly delighted to find herself seated beside Mr Darcy for the duration of dinner, but even more delighted to find his younger sister beaming at her from the hallway alongside him and Mr Bingley as they entered Netherfield.

"Georgiana!" She cried, and the younger Darcy bowed gracefully.

"Lizzie! How I have missed your company these past months!" Georgiana said with feeling.

"And I you. But whatever are you doing here?" Lizzie asked, and managed to catch Darcy's eye over her shoulder. He tilted his head at her and she felt her smile grow wider.

"My brother invited me in his last letter, and I had missed him, and you, so much that I left immediately," the girl said cheerfully and Elizabeth faced her family.

"Georgiana this is my family – mother, father, Kitty, Mary, and my older sister Jane. My youngest sister Lydia is lately married and living away. This is Georgiana Darcy, Mr Darcy's younger sister."

Everyone was too surprised at Lizzie's familiarity with the girl to say anything, and Jane, who knew of their kinship, was the first to step forward, "Miss Darcy, it is such a pleasure, Lizzie has sung your praises; I have been dying to meet you."

"Oh Jane, Lizzie has told me so many nice things, congratulations on your engagement," Georgiana said, "and of course my brother told me of your younger sister's marriage." Her tone darkened a little, and not for the first time that week, Elizabeth found herself wondering at the effect of her engagement to Mr Darcy – by accepting his hand, she was forcing George Wickham back into their lives. She allowed a frown to cross her face.

"Oh, did he now?" Mrs Bennet asked pointedly, assuming that Darcy could only stoop tell others about their family where it came to scandal.

"Mama!" Elizabeth scolded, and Darcy, who had been watching the interaction, felt slightly relieved. Despite the pained expression on his beloved's face, she had her fiery disposition returned, and he could not help the half-smile that always appeared when he thought of Elizabeth. She noticed it, and her frown alleviated itself somewhat. Mrs Bennet, to her credit, shrunk back and said nothing more. Mr Darcy inferred from the demeanour of the Bennets that Lizzie had told them of Charlotte's passing, and he did feel sorry for the family, despite his annoyance at Mrs Bennet's behaviour.

"Ah, the Bennets! It's so lovely to have you here!" Caroline wafted through, followed by her sister, and Mr Hurst.

"And it is very gracious of you to have us, we are most grateful," Mrs Bennet responded heartily. Mr Bennet was sure he felt a muscle in his eye strain itself from the desire to roll at his wife's performance, but he managed to keep it straight.

"Yes, thank you for your hospitality," He joined in.

"Not at all! We couldn't resist having you around, especially now Jane and Charles are engaged! Though, of course, we would have invited you in any case." Caroline said breezily.

"Of _course,_ " Elizabeth muttered under her breath. They all followed the Bingleys through to the dining room, and Darcy found himself situated happily between his betrothed and his sister, while Caroline had to resign herself to her seat on Georgiana's other side.

Conversation flowed more readily in the more intimate circumstances of Netherfield than it had at the large gathering of families the evening before, and Lizzie began to ease into the light back and forth she was usually so adept at. Mr Darcy even felt more comfortable in conversing openly with her, now that she was seated beside him, whereas for the past few gatherings he had kept his distance to avoid arousing suspicion.

"Miss Bennet, Georgiana has talked of you in every letter she has sent since you returned home," Darcy said, smiling, and both his sister and Elizabeth blushed.

"I did not realise I had any such effect," she said, "but I am well pleased to hear it."

"I cannot believe you would embarrass me so, brother!" Georgiana gasped, vexed, "And I am not the only person who sings your praises!"

Darcy raised an eyebrow at the girl and she quietened, but Elizabeth was too amused, "Oh? And who else sings my praises, Miss Darcy?"

Mr Darcy looked back to his betrothed and she took in the agitated expression on his face with some measure of joy. He tried to remain irritated, but the small smile she greeted him with immediately lessened his worry.

"I believe she is referring to Colonel Fitzwilliam," he replied, and Lizzie chuckled.

"Yes, how is the Colonel?"

"He is well, he wrote me recently to tell of his engagement."

"He is engaged? Oh, how wonderful! You must pass on my congratulations," Elizabeth said, but that sad note was back in her voice, and Darcy almost regretted bringing it up.

"I am sure you can tell him yourself – he has expressed many times a wish for further correspondence with you," Mr Darcy suggested, and Mrs Bennet, who had been listening to their conversation found it was the right time to join in.

"Does this Colonel Fitzwilliam have many connections within His Majesty's Armed Forces? Perhaps he could suggest more militias be placed at Hertfordshire?" She asked pressingly, and Caroline Bingley smothered a laugh with her hand.

Mr Darcy opened his mouth, then closed it, unsure how to respond, and Mr Bennet sighed, "Of course there will be more militias assigned to Hertfordshire, wife, there are always more soldiers coming and going."

Jane saw Elizabeth ready herself to argue, and she quickly garnered her attention, "Lizzie, Charles wishes to know more about your travels. He visited you at Lambton, but would love to hear more."

Charles beamed from Jane's other side, completely engaged, and Elizabeth was reminded once again of what a truly perfect match they were.

* * *

As dinner was being served, the conversation became more stilted, but each member of the party seemed completely content in discussion, or in their meal. Caroline was in talks with Georgiana and Mrs Hurst, although the naturally shy Miss Darcy was doing more of the listening, rather than talking. Mr Hurst was chatting animatedly to Mr Bennet about cards, and to the elder gentleman's credit, he was doing a marvellous job of feigning interest. Elizabeth had quietened somewhat, but was still interjecting occasionally when Jane asked a question, or disagreed. Mr Darcy himself was quietly focussed on his food, listening to the room, and Mrs Bennet was talking over anyone and everyone who would let her. Kitty and Mary were her current marks, and she was espousing the virtues of redcoats at some considerable volume.

"So, Miss Bennet, are you feeling any better?" Caroline Bingley asked suggestively, interrupting the conversation Elizabeth was having with Charles and Jane.

"I'm sorry?" She turned, confused.

"Your headache? Are you quite relieved today?" Caroline asked.

"Well I should think if I wasn't, I would have stayed at home," Elizabeth remarked, and turned back to Charles, but Caroline wasn't defeated so easily.

"So, you feel well enough to continue our discussion from yesterday evening?"

Elizabeth sensed the trap, but her mind was no longer foggy, "I do not see what discussion there is to be had? Mr Collins proposed to me, and I said no. Then he proposed to my friend, and she accepted his hand." She had barely leaned back towards Jane and Bingley before Caroline spoke again.

"So, you do not need a shoulder to cry on?" Caroline asked snidely.

Mr Darcy bristled.

"Why should I? I believe I am the one who turned Mr Collins away, not the other way around." Lizzie pointed out.

"You misunderstand me Miss Bennet, I was referring to your other suitor?" She quipped, and Lizzie's hands dropped below the table and began scrunching her dress into knots again. Mr Darcy noticed the action, and slipped his own hand over her wrist, to calm her. She lost her breath for a moment, but her hands relaxed slightly, and she sat forward and spoke directly to Caroline.

"I had no other suitor, Miss Bingley, and no matter how much you wish to paint me as the kind of woman who would feel some kind of jealousy toward the marriage of my sister and a man I felt nothing for, I am no such creature."

Caroline's mouth was open slightly, offended, and Darcy was so overcome with pride he could have kissed her in front of the entire gathering. No-one else appeared to have noticed the dressing down that Elizabeth had just delivered, so deep in conversation or self-reflection were they, but Jane was trying very hard not to smile, and Georgiana was blushing in surprise.

"Miss Bennet, I meant no offense, I was simply offering–"

"You were not offering anything, Miss Bingley, you were searching for some weakness, a flaw to exploit in order to set me back in the place you seem to have set for me in your head. I have no interest in letting you treat me thus." Lizzie said, and Mr Darcy didn't dare look at her, for fear that he might reveal his feelings of admiration. He simply stared down at his plate, and took a sip of his wine. By this statement, however, Mr Hurst and Mr Bennet had stopped to listen, and it was only a matter of time before the rest noticed the disagreement.

Caroline opened and closed her mouth slightly, unsure what to say. Jane and Charles shared a meaningful look, "Lizzie, are you alright?" Jane asked quietly. Elizabeth glanced at her.

"Fine," she muttered, "I… ah… I believe I am perfectly…" She trailed off. Darcy pressed her hand tighter under the table and she smiled down at her plate, "Not at all, Jane. But I will be soon, I'm sure."

Caroline found her voice again, "Miss Bennet! It is unbecoming of you to speak to me in this way, especially as I have only ever offered you the hand of friendship!"

Elizabeth looked at her but said nothing.

"I must demand that you apologise for your insinuations." Caroline commanded indignantly.

Elizabeth felt her righteous anger escalating again, but she continued to stay silent.

"Eliza, what can you hope to gain from alienating your future sister-in-law? Especially as I could invite you into upper society circles, and perhaps find you a husband that you don't feel too above to turn down." Caroline suggested rudely and Elizabeth could be silent no longer. She wrenched her hand from Darcy's and stood up, and it was at this point that the table fell silent, and even Mrs Bennet appeared enraptured by the altercation.

"Miss Bennet," Darcy started, but she silenced him with a glare.

"Miss Bingley, we are not friends." She stated, and the whole table was watching them now as if it were a production, "We have never been friends. I have it on good authority that you near-constantly wage assault on my character and appearance at every opportunity. All while I have _never_ done the same to you, despite my dislike of you in general, as I would not stoop so low as to gossip behind someone's back. You tried to ruin the happiness of your brother and my sister, with no thought as to the feelings of either party. I shall not apologise to you, and what's more, I think you'll find I do not need a husband." With that, she spun on her heel and stormed from the room.

Not even thinking about how improper it looked, Darcy stood to go after her at the same time as Jane.

"No, no, I will." He said, waving his hand at Jane, and strode after Elizabeth," Miss Bennet?"

Everyone in the room stared after the two of them, gobsmacked. Mr and Mrs Bennet looked at each other in surprise but came to the collective conclusion, based on Mr Darcy's past behaviour, that he was simply going to reprimand her. Mr Bennet stood as though to follow, but Jane left first, stopping just outside the door, so that people would think she had gone with Darcy.

Lizzie did not get far before Darcy caught up with her, and the two families sat in collective muteness in the other room, straining their ears listening to the conversation that was slowly disappearing through the hallway.


	4. Make You Leave

_**They say, "You're a little much for me**_  
 _ **You're a liability**_  
 _ **You're a little much for me"**_  
 _ **So they pull back, make other plans**_  
 _ **I understand, I'm a liability**_  
 _ **Get you wild, make you leave**_  
 _ **I'm a little much for**_  
 _ **Everyone...**_

 **LORDE**

* * *

"Miss Bennet?" Darcy called as he rounded the corner. She was already almost at the end of the hallway, and he caught a glimpse of Jane behind him, standing in front of the closed door.

"Please just… let me alone, Mr Darcy." Lizzie slowed down but kept walking.

"No, Miss Bennet, I will not."

Please?" She begged, faltering.

"You cannot simply keep running away, Miss Bennet. That is unlike you," he tried, and she shook her head angrily.

"I am sorry! Is that what you wish to hear?" She didn't stop, and he quickened his pace.

"No, Elizabeth, it isn't!" Darcy said, catching her elbow. Even if his grip hadn't stopped her, she would have frozen to the spot in shock at his words, and he was surprised himself. Up until that very moment he had not worked up the nerve to use her name, and despite telling himself it was in case her family heard, it was more to do with his own fears that none of this was real: that at any moment she could change her mind. However, he had said it now, so he decided to forge forward, "I wish to hear how you are truly feeling?"

"I… I do not know."

"What can we do; your sisters, your parents? What do you need?" He asked earnestly.

"I require nothing," Elizabeth said coldly, and Darcy's heart dropped. This was exactly the attitude and expression she had greeted with him on the day of his first proposal – she seemed to have reverted to a version of herself that could not stand his interference.

"Please, listen to me," he requested, "What use am I, if I cannot comfort you when you need it?"

"Perhaps you are not of use, then," Elizabeth said, but he could hear the uncertainty in her voice, and could see the regret on her face not moments after she said it.

"Elizabeth," he started, but she flinched back, and he nearly lost his grasp on her arm. He tightened his hold and pulled her back to him gently, but she refused to look at him.

* * *

In the other room, the Bennets and Bingleys were trying desperately to hear what was being said through the walls. They had heard Mr Darcy's shout of, _'Miss Bennet',_ and Lizzie's request to be left alone, but the voices quickly faded as they vanished down the corridor.

Every now and then they heard the odd word, such as, _'please',_ and, _'sorry',_ and _'no',_ but there was nothing tangible enough to form an opinion.

Charles and Georgiana, who wanted to give them some privacy, attempted to start conversation with those beside them. Charles engaged the younger Bennets and Georgiana commented, "This food is truly delicious, what do you think of it, Miss Bingley?"

Caroline, who had been attempting to eavesdrop in furious quiet, was forced to acknowledge the girl, "It is perfectly adequate, Georgiana, but I am sure the food is much better at Pemberley."

"Sometimes, I am sure it is, but there is different produce in the south," Mr Bennet joined, and Georgiana bowed her head at him gratefully.

"That is true, I suppose," Caroline said, "but Pemberley has provided some of the best food I have ever had the pleasure of eating, and boasts many fine chefs."

"Well, I confess, I have never had the pleasure of dining at Pemberley, but Netherfield has not disappointed thus far, and I have partaken in some fine cuisine offered in London." Mr Bennet said, and suddenly he had Miss Bingley's full attention, as the thought of anyone having eaten anything better than she had was abhorrent.

"Ah, but you see, Mr Bennet, Pemberley is a cut above even London when it comes to fine food. Only the highest of high society could boast better, I am sure." She said haughtily, and Georgiana looked mightily embarrassed.

"And what do you think of Netherfield, Miss Darcy?" Mr Bennet asked kindly, noticing her mortification.

'I like it very much," Georgiana gushed, "Lizzie told me much of Hertfordshire, and of Netherfield and Longbourn, and I have wished to visit ever since. It took a great deal of convincing to allow my brother to let me, however."

"Why is that, Miss Darcy?"

"My brother is very… protective, Mr Bennet. My father died over five years ago, and my mother has been gone for some time. He practically raised me, while trying to raise himself, and I owe him everything."

Mr Bennet sat back in his seat, contemplative, and Kitty finally found a moment, "So, Miss Darcy, how do you know Lizzie?"

"Well, she came to visit Pemberley, while she was travelling with her Aunt and Uncle," Georgiana said, confused.

"Really?" Kitty asked, fascinated, and Mary looked more than a little interested as well.

"Yes," she paused, "Did Miss Bennet not tell you?"

"I suppose she may have done, but when she came home the house was in disarray, what with-"

Mrs Bennet kicked her under the table and she stopped talking.

"What with our sister's engagement," Mary finished for her, and Kitty exhaled gratefully, "So she may have told us, but it must have been forgotten."

"Oh, of course!" Georgiana exclaimed, "Miss Lizzie came to visit after my brother and I asked her to. He had happened upon them the day before I arrived, and I gather he invited during that meeting, but felt inclined to bring me along to ensure an agreement when he asked again. So, she and her aunt and uncle visited Pemberley and we talked and played the pianoforte for many hours."

"How sweet," Kitty gushed, "I wish I had friends like that." For a brief moment, poor Kitty looked bereft, and seemed to be remembering a time when Lydia was her closest friend, and occasional enemy.

"We happened to be visiting around the same time, didn't we?" Charles asked his sisters rhetorically, and they nodded in unison, "And some months before that I believe Darcy had seen Miss Bennet when he was visiting his Aunt, the Lady Catherine De Bourgh."

"Yes of course, she had gone to visit her friend, and by some coincidence was invited to dine with her ladyship at the same time as my brother was visiting. I believe they saw a lot of each other."

"Ah, yes, Miss Collins. We were so saddened today, to hear of her passing," Bingley said sorrowfully.

"Apparently Hunsford and Meryton have become overrun with people mourning the news. Our Lizzie of course knew about it yesterday, at the same time as the Lucases discovered it. Mr Collins had sent a personal letter to each. It would be an honour, if not for the sad circumstances," Mrs Bennet said.

"I am certain Lizzie does not see it that way, Mrs Bennet," Mr Bennet scolded, and his wife put her cutlery down.

"Perhaps not, Mr Bennet, but is it not better that she learnt it in person rather than through heartless gossips?" She asked, and it took all of Mr Bennet's resolve not to point out that she was one of those _heartless gossips_ herself.

* * *

"Elizabeth?" He inquired again, and she closed her eyes to avoid meeting his.

"Please… just let me be. I cannot have you looking at me thus."

"How do I look at you?" He asked, honestly bemused.

"With pity, Mr Darcy."

He sighed and fiddled with his cravat, "I do not know how else to look at you, Miss Bennet, when you appear so spiritless."

"I am not spiritless, I am…" She trailed off, unable to come up with a suitable excuse. She could feel his warm fingers through her sleeve, and her owns fingers suddenly felt very cold at her sides. She slumped, all the fight having left her body, and she turned to face him, still refusing to meet his eye. He stepped to the side a little, taken aback, but did not let her go.

"It is my fault." Lizzie said.

"No, it isn't, we have discussed this, you are not responsible for the death of Charlotte Collins." He said, realising too late that it sounded more like a reprimand than a comfort.

She shook her head weakly, "No, Mr Darcy, it is my fault that George Wickham is still in your life."

Darcy shut his mouth abruptly and waited for her to finish.

"If you had not proposed to me, you could live the rest of your life, and your sister could live the rest of hers, without ever crossing paths with him again. Yet because of me, because of my association, you might never be able to move forward," Lizzie said, "I cannot do that to Georgiana, to you! I cannot expose you to my mother, to Lydia, or to your own relatives who have their opinions."

"You are speaking of my Aunt?"

"She came to visit my home for the sole purpose of telling me not to marry you."

"Elizabeth, no-one else has any business telling me, or you, whether or not we may marry."

"I am a selfish creature, Mr Darcy, I have told you this before. I have repeatedly put my own wants before those of the people I love, and it has brought nothing but misery. I refused Mr Collins out of an entitled belief that I should only marry for love, and my friend married him instead. I refused you for the same reason. Despite knowing the details of Wickham's betrayals, I never spoke of it to anyone but Jane; I could have prevented his ever having taken Lydia. And I accepted your proposal, also out of selfishness, despite every suggestion that it was inappropriate. I love you, so I believe it only fair that I get to marry you, but that is not how it works, nor has it ever worked that way. If I had been better in the beginning, I could have married Mr Collins and spared my family a great deal of misery, not to mention myself, or Charlotte."

Mr Darcy was completely and totally frozen, trying to find a way to reason around her statements, but unable to form a coherent thought, and Elizabeth managed to extract her arm from him and step back. He blinked, and reached out to her again, but she moved further away. Without a moment's hesitation, the old Darcy had returned; haughtier and angrier, and he straightened, hands behind his back.

"If that is how you feel Miss Bennet," he said, and turned on his heel and walked away. Elizabeth felt the regret biting at her heels, but she too turned and walked in the opposite direction, turning into another room.

Darcy made it back to the door, where Jane was standing, and immediately realised that he was in some kind of trouble. Jane Bennet, for the first time in their acquaintance, looked utterly furious.

"Yes, Miss Bennet," He said sharply, somehow managing to keep his irritated expression for as long as it took to say the words. Unfortunately, all authority he had was directly swept from beneath him when she crossed her arms and opened her mouth.

"What sort of reasoning was demonstrated there, Mr Darcy?" Jane asked, and he cleared his throat, embarrassed, but she didn't allow him to answer, "My sister is heartbroken. She is grief-stricken, and she blames herself for the death of her closest friend, and all you have to offer in response is censure?"

"Now, Miss Bennet, that is not what I-"

"No, perhaps not, Mr Darcy, but that is not how it was understood, not by myself and I am sure not by my sister. Do you think that walking away in frustration is going to help her, or were you just in favour of giving up?"

He did not answer the question, for fear that whatever explanation he offered would be the wrong one. He found that Jane Bennet could be genuinely terrifying when she wanted to be, and suddenly noticed the striking similarities between the sisters, although felt this was probably not the time to comment on it.

"I thought you cared for my sister, Mr Darcy?"

"I do, of course I do!" He snapped, indignant, and now Jane winced slightly, seemingly remembering who she was talking to. Luckily, her love for her sister outranked her respect for the man before her.

"I have always tried to convince Lizzie that you are nicer than you appeared," Jane had the sense to speak softly, so as not to be heard by those through the wall, but they must have definitely heard Darcy's outburst. She frowned, "When you were aloof at gatherings, when Wickham spread rumours, even after discovering what you said to Charles, I still thought the best of you, because I find it hard to speak ill of anyone that does not deserve it. You have never deserved it, Mr Darcy, until this moment. You cannot love my sister and not stand by her in her suffering. She is obstinate, unwavering, tenacious and opinioned, but she is also kind-hearted, and tolerant and more intelligent than I, and even though she would despise me for saying so, she is sensitive. How can you hope to combat her in marriage if you cannot abide one evening's frustration?"

Mr Darcy opened and closed his mouth, defeated by the second Bennet that evening, and rubbed his face in his hands, "I do not know, Miss Bennet. I can only hope to try."

Jane's temper died faster than it had arrived, and she considered him pityingly, "I apologise, Mr Darcy, I should not have been so upset, nor should my judgement have been so untempered as to speak to you that way."

"What did you say that was not true, Miss Bennet?" Darcy said, remembering the day he had said the same to his betrothed, "I should not have allowed her to push me away simply out of vexation."

"I should hope not!" Jane said with humour, "If that is how you react to her disagreement, you shan't have a happy marriage, Mr Darcy."

He chucked, "Believe it or not, but her temper is something that I usually find most agreeable."

"It is a quality that I have always admired for my lack of it," Jane agreed.

"I would not say you lack it at all, Miss Bennet," Darcy pointed out, and she blushed crimson.

"I must see to my sister, Mr Darcy." She excused herself, and he stood, hovering with his hand against the door handle, unwilling to enter.

* * *

Silence had once again descended on the room, almost at the exact moment that Mr Darcy could be heard to say, _'Yes, Miss Bennet'_ with a great degree of bitterness in his voice. They believed for a moment he was talking to Lizzie, until Jane answered.

' _What sort of reasoning was demonstrated there, Mr Darcy?"_ The woman said, and Caroline and Mrs Hurst both looked offended at the impertinence.

"I take it that your friend has not managed to calm my daughter?" Mr Bennet offered to Bingley, who shrugged apologetically.

"… _all you have to offer in response is censure?"_ Jane finished, and Bingley managed to look both slightly perturbed and mildly proud at the sound of his beloved arguing with his best friend.

The argument continued, and Caroline and Louisa looked more and more outraged as it went on. Georgiana, however, looked as if she was more on the side of Jane, as did Bingley, and Mr Bennet, despite not knowing the circumstances, felt inclined to agree. Mrs Bennet, Kitty, Mary and Mr Hurst, however, were just enjoying the show.

" _I thought you cared for my sister, Mr Darcy?"_

" _I do, of course I do!"_ Mr Darcy's voice sounded troubled, despite its volume.

Mr Bennet nodded, his suspicions confirmed, but Mrs Bennet looked vexed. Jane's voice became notably softer behind the door, and though they strained themselves to hear her, it was simply impossible. There were a few more quiet comments exchanged, and then someone's footsteps could be heard fading away.

They sat with bated breath, staring at the door, and were not disappointed when Mr Darcy walked through it, glancing reservedly at them all. He sat down, folded his hands on his lap, and then said, "Miss Bennet is rather distressed. Due to our… friendship, I believed it might be possible to calm her, but unfortunately, as you must know, Miss Bennet is rather unyielding."

"And what particular friendship is that, Mr Darcy?" Mr Bennet asked, a twinkle in his eye.

Darcy cleared his throat, "We grew to know each other during her visit to my Aunt's. Then when she was in Lambton she visited my estate more than once. She has been an excellent companion to my sister, and has offered the hand of friendship to myself."

"That is not all, brother," Georgiana said, and he waited for her to say something that might give away his true feelings, in case they weren't already obvious to the entire party, "she also helped you overcome your shyness! Before Miss Bennet, you were always silent at gatherings, and refused to dance with anyone but an acquaintance. I believe Miss Bennet was the first lady you ever stood up with outside of that circle."

Mr Bennet was now nearly shaking with mirth, and Mr Darcy had the sense to look very discomposed, "Yes, Georgiana, she did suggest that my reluctance to converse with strangers could come across as somewhat… arrogant and unfriendly."

"And I am sure she was very forthcoming with that opinion, eh Mr Darcy?" Mr Bennet chuckled merrily, and Darcy glanced at him in relief. At least one person at the table, besides his sister and his friend, was not looking at him with a mixture of confusion and interest.

"Yes, Miss Bennet is often forthcoming in her opinions, not that I can find fault in them," He replied, smiling. He was contemplating speaking further on Elizabeth, when the door opened and Jane Bennet walked through, slightly damp and shivering.

"Jane?" Bingley stood up immediately and suggested they all move to the sitting room, where the fire was blazing, and offered her a place by the fire. She accepted it, as everyone followed them into the smaller room.

After a moment, Darcy looked around, 'Where is E- Miss Bennet?"

Jane looked around at everyone's confused faces and shook her head, "She has gone."

* * *

 ** _Hey guys! I would just like to address some stuff - I know a couple of the words I have used are not truly accurate, but I am trying to edit as I go, as I wrote this initially a long time ago when I was terrible at writing J.A, and only recently decided to retry it, and have been improving it as I post each chapter. Also, he has deliberately not been using her name, as explained in this chapter, but I have received multiple messages and reviews asking why not, so that is why, in case you were unable to work it out. I am trying to be as accurate to J.A as possible, as always, but as usual, I have added a couple of slightly more dramatic scenes in - think Emily Bronte or Elizabeth Gaskell. I hope you have enjoyed this chapter, dramatic as it was. Thank you! xxx_**


	5. We're Burning Out

**_You know  
_** ** _The fire is running low  
_** ** _Can you feel the flame her fading glow  
_** ** _You know  
_** ** _We are slowing down  
_** ** _I can hear your footsteps drowning up_**

 ** _We're burning out  
_** ** _We're burning down  
_** ** _We're the ashes on the ground  
_** ** _We're burning out  
_** ** _We're burning down  
_** ** _We've fallen underground_**

 **LUDOVICO EINAUDI**

* * *

 _When Jane went looking for her sister, she did not expect to find her sitting outside on the steps, in the rain. She leaned out enough to be heard, "Lizzie, come inside, you'll catch your death of cold!"_

" _I am perfectly easy just here, Jane." Lizzie said._

" _Lizzie, surely you are being ridiculous; you cannot punish yourself for something you had no control over," Jane stepped back under the roof, her shoulders and hair wet._

" _I am not doing anything of the sort, I am merely thinking."_

" _That is deceitful, and you are well aware of it. Please come indoors, our family will be worried!" Jane said earnestly, looking around for some kind of blanket._

" _I am not sure I can face them, Jane." Lizzie admitted, ashamed, "I have managed to bring shame to both them and myself these past two nights, and I am not sure I can fathom one more hour beside Caroline Bingley."_

" _You are not beside Caroline Bingley, you are beside your sister and the man you love." Jane admonished sweetly, and Lizzie sighed._

" _I am utterly useless, Jane."_

" _Do not be so ridiculous, Lizzie," Jane said softly, "I have never been acquainted with anyone less useless – you are perfectly capable."_

" _I believe I should visit the Lucases: offer my condolences and apologies, and perhaps my services."_

" _That is a wonderful idea, Lizzie!" Jane smiled._

" _Make my apologies, I will be back within the hour," Lizzie stood, and Jane stepped into the rain again._

" _Lizzie, what are you thinking? You cannot visit the Lucases now – it is near dusk, not to mention the rain – you cannot travel alone in such conditions."_

" _I know the way, and I will not walk, I will take a horse."_

" _That does not improve my mind," Jane said anxiously. Elizabeth stood and hugged her sister, edging past her to the bottom of the steps, "Lizzie, this is not like you, you do not run away."_

" _I am not running away, I am aiming toward helping, Jane."_

" _Lizzie, please, you are not thinking." Jane tried, but Elizabeth was already out of her reach and covered in rain. "Lizzie!?"_

* * *

Minutes later, Jane was inside, being stared at by her family. Everyone was surprised, and concerned; all of this behaviour was so out of character for Elizabeth. Mr Bennet was equal parts entertained and worried, and Mr Darcy was losing his wits trying to appear disinterested when he was more invested in her wellbeing than any person in the room. He could not help asking, "Where is E- Miss Bennet?"

"She has gone," Jane said, and everyone reacted in different ways. Mr Hurst wasn't really paying attention, and Bingley seemed more concerned at Jane's damp state, but he felt compassion for Elizabeth, who he held to be a good friend. Caroline rolled her eyes in annoyance, but in a remarkable display of independence, Mrs Hurst seemed to be markedly interested in the events taking place. Mr Bennet immediately felt his amusement at the situation fall away, and Darcy's countenance became, if possible, even darker. Mrs Bennet seemed both annoyed and unsure how to react, and the Bennet sisters all looked perturbed.

"Where?" Mr Bennet asked urgently.

"She has gone to the Lucas's on horseback. She wishes to offer them her help, and compassion."

"At this time in the evening? It is nearly dark!" Caroline gasped, affronted.

"And alone," Mrs Hurst added, thoroughly entertained.

"She is sensible, and the Lucas residence is barely ten minutes from here on horseback. I am sure she is perfectly well." Mr Bennet said, and Jane nodded.

"She said she would be back within the hour, but I have a feeling she was talking about Longbourn rather than Netherfield. I think she wished to take her leave, as she did not intend to disturb everyone, and she knows that coming back at such a late hour would cause a fuss."

Mrs Hurst looked disappointed, but everyone else felt more at ease, knowing where Elizabeth would be, and that she wasn't just _gone_ , as Jane had unintentionally made it appear.

Mr Darcy was unsure. He felt he had not handled the situation correctly: a feeling he frequently acknowledged wherever Elizabeth Bennet was concerned. He had never seen her so distracted, but judging by her own family's reaction, no-one had ever seen her this way. He knew he shouldn't worry too much, but her response had sounded so _final._

* * *

At the very moment Darcy was agonising over their last conversation, Elizabeth was doing the same thing, albeit in slightly different surroundings. Minutes earlier, she had been dripping wet, standing in the doorway of Lucas Lodge, but now she was nearly dry, sitting by the fire, Sir William Lucas watching her carefully from across the room. Maria and Mrs Lucas were in bed – apparently they had not left their respective bedrooms since they had heard the news two days previously – but Sir Lucas was a restless spirit, and it seemed that restlessness only increased in his grief.

They were sitting in silence, Sir Lucas ruminating on oddity of Elizabeth Bennet at his door in the pouring rain, and Lizzie trying desperately not to think of Mr Darcy. Eventually, one of them had to speak, "So, Miss Bennet. You wish to offer your services, if we so need them, and your condolences, is that correct?"

"Yes, sir. I apologise for arriving in such a state, I understand how surprising it must be, but I also… If you would not object too harshly, I would very much like to accompany you to Rosings." She was nervous – it was a very forward approach, and an intrusive request, but to her immense surprise, Sir Lucas smiled.

"That would be capital, Miss Bennet. I believe Maria, more than anyone, could use your company, and I am sure you would like to grieve my daughter away from the gossips of Hunsford and Meryton, as do we. Particularly myself. I am unaccustomed to unhappiness, Miss Bennet; it does not suit my constitution. I do not believe you are familiar with the sensation either." He said, and it was the most sensible he had ever sounded to Elizabeth.

"No, I confess, I have not been myself the last two nights."

"Nor I, Miss Bennet." He sighed. "Capital. We are setting off early tomorrow, I believe shortly after breakfast. We shall pick you up from Longbourn if you like, or would you prefer to meet us here?"

"I will meet you at the end of the lane. I think it is best for all that you do not run into my mother. She means well, but I believe her condolences would feel a little… overwhelming." Lizzie said, and Sir Lucas tapped the arm of his chair and looked a little relieved.

"Yes, I believe the end of the lane will suit us perfectly well. I will tell Maria and my wife tomorrow. You may stay this evening, as long as you like, to avoid the weather," he said, "I do not like the idea of you galloping about in the dark."

"I am perfectly fine, Sir Lucas, truly. I beg my leave; I will be waiting early tomorrow morning." Lizzie stood and curtseyed, and he followed her to the door, and watched as she untied her horse from a tree and slowly moved away into the fading light.

* * *

The Bennets left, and there was a jumbled mess of gratitude and apologies as they boarded their old carriage. Caroline and Mr and Mrs Hurst were hovering dutifully in the doorway, but Bingley and Mr Darcy were standing beside the family as they shuffled, one by one, into the cramped box. Jane hung back a moment, to say goodbye to Bingley, but before she turned to leave, she looked at Darcy.

"I am sorry for how I spoke to you earlier, it was wrong of me. I do not know what came over me – I do not generally find fault in anyone… I believe I was just worried about Lizzie," Jane said.

"I find no fault in your recourse, Miss Bennet. I behaved abominably, and you were right in all your suggestions. I will know better next time."

"Ah, so she has not discouraged you yet?" Jane whispered, so her family could not hear.

"Where she is concerned, it would take a great deal more to discourage me, and even then I don't believe my feelings would ever change," Darcy murmured back, and both Jane and Bingley beamed.

"Good," they said in unison, and Mr Darcy blushed, embarrassed.

"Bingley and I will undoubtedly call tomorrow, or the day after. I am sure I can convince her of my sincerity then, or by the next visit. Or the next," Darcy joked, and Jane laughed while Bingley handed her into the carriage beside a tired looking Mary.

* * *

The next morning, Lizzie was up bright and early. She had packed the night before and then gone straight to bed, in order to be well-rested for the journey. It did not pass as easily as she had hoped, however, as she was plagued by horrid nightmares in which Charlotte's face floated above the dinner table at Netherfield and told everyone that Elizabeth was to blame for her death.

She had heard her family opening their own doors along the hall, and Jane had knocked on her door, even peered in, to check she was home. When she didn't answer, Jane assumed that Lizzie was asleep, and retired to her own room.

Now that it was morning, Elizabeth emerged, bag in hand, and traipsed down the stairs. Her family looked surprised to see her so cognizant, and even more interested to see her ready for travel.

"Where are you off to in such a hurry this morning, Elizabeth?" Mr Bennet asked, a smile in his voice.

"I am going with the Lucases to Rosings, for Charlotte's funeral. I shan't be gone more than a week or two. I just felt it was my responsibility to be of help." Elizabeth said earnestly.

"Was it also your responsibility to run out into the rain last night, in the most dramatic fashion you could muster?" He raised a sly eyebrow at her and she had the sense to look ashamed of her actions. When she did not respond, he could not resist, "You almost never remind me of your mother, Lizzie – from what I can see you have largely taken after me, but last night I do believe you did her proud."

Elizabeth looked offended, but Mrs Bennet seemed to find it more upsetting, "You do vex me so, husband! Have you no compassion for my nerves? Poor Lizzie could have caught the death of cold last night," she said, and the girls all glanced knowingly at each other, "more importantly, Mr Darcy seemed very concerned at your leaving."

Mrs Bennet was staring pointedly at her daughter, and her sisters and even her father were watching her carefully to see if she would make comment on the matter, so she judged she had no choice, "Mr Darcy is my friend. He has been for some time. He also, I believe, felt somewhat… protective of my emotional state, because he happened to stumble upon me in the garden at the moment I read the letter informing me of Charlotte's…"

Elizabeth trailed away, and Mr Bennet took pity on her, "So he was unsure if we all knew of Mrs Collins, and he wished to offer you his proverbial shoulder, yes?"

"Something to that effect, of course. Although… I do believe I was quite a bit more argumentative than he expected. I suppose he was only trying to be nice, but I was so cross. Now, of course, I am only cross with myself, and my own actions."

"After you disappeared he seemed rather _agitated_." Mr Bennet pressed, but Lizzie was in no mood to be teased about Mr Darcy, when she felt so awfully about him herself.

"I suspect he was simply affronted. I was not very nice in my refusal of his help, and he is well known to be a prideful, irascible man." Elizabeth noticeably refused to say that _she_ well knew him to be that way, but Mr Bennet saw that there was no just cause in bothering his daughter further.

The family ate in silence for a number of minutes until Kitty asked, "Don't you think Miss Darcy is extraordinarily pretty? She does not look very much like her brother, although she is as tall, and her eyes are similar. Why do you think she has come to visit?"

Elizabeth stared at her plate, knowing that Georgiana had come down from Pemberley to congratulate Mr Darcy on his engagement, and welcome her to the family.

Jane came to her rescue, "Lizzie told me when she met Georgiana that she is a taciturn girl, despite her family name, and that when her brother goes away, she rarely follows. But I believe because my Bingley is staying in Netherfield more permanently, and with our wedding coming up in a few months, Darcy intends to stay along with him. I presume he invited his sister so that she would not feel so alone while he was far away from home."

Elizabeth smiled at her sister and finished her breakfast. She stood and kissed her father on the forehead, and her mother, and then hugged her sisters. She embraced Jane the longest, "I will return soon, in much higher spirits, I am certain."

Jane sighed, "I hope we are all in higher spirits when you return – there has been an odd sense in the air ever since last week, and it has only gotten worse since news of Charlotte. I hope it is only the changing seasons."

"I do love you, dear Jane," Elizabeth gushed, and released her, gathering up her things before she slipped quietly from the house and down the lane.

* * *

When Darcy and Bingley called at the house barely two hours later, the former was disappointed to find that Elizabeth was on her way to Rosings with the Lucases without so much as a goodbye, and he spent the entire gathering standing by the window as he usually did, not saying a word. To most everyone in the room, his behaviour was unchanged, but Jane knew better, and now that Mr Bennet had his own suspicions about Darcy's feelings, he was observing him more closely as well. He noted that Darcy kept looking out the window: out toward the road away from Longbourn, and he deduced that the man was troubled, as he was, by Lizzie's sudden departure.

He knew now, more than the previous evening, that this man, this unsociable, proud, rich man, was in love with his daughter. And he was not sure what to do with the newfound knowledge. He wasn't even sure if Elizabeth knew, and so resolved not to say a word until after she returned; perhaps she would find it funny, as he did? Or perhaps she would find it endearing? Was it possible he could lose his favourite daughter to this man? He could not decide where he fell on the issue: whether he would prefer this man with his money and property to take care of his daughter or if he would rather she found someone closer to home. He eventually concluded that no matter what decision, it was Elizabeth's, and he would support her whenever she made it.

Darcy, from across the room, knew nothing of this appraisal of his character, and instead thought only of his betrothed, unsure of the state of their affairs, or if she even considered herself still engaged. He dearly hoped that it was merely as Jane said – Elizabeth was just pulling away because she was upset – but he was unconvinced.

It was only when it came time for them to leave, and Jane handed him his hat from the hallway, that he had any kind of answer. Jane had hidden something inside it, an envelope, and he pocketed it before anyone could see, although none were paying him any attention except Mr Bennet. Jane herself had found the letter in her room – Elizabeth had left it there, along with another note specifically for Jane, apologising for her behaviour and asking her to give the letter to Darcy.

He told Bingley that he would meet him for lunch, and rode off into woods to sit and read the letter in privacy. He propped himself up against a tree and prepared himself for whatever it contained.

 _Mr Darcy,_

 _I am unerringly sorry for the rude way in which I spoke to you yesterday evening. You were trying your level best to be of service, and I was trying most assiduously to be alone._

 _My regret at the manor of my reproof does not, however, negate the contents of my speech._

 _I wish so dearly to marry you, more than I have ever wished anything in my life, but I just cannot allow myself to marry into such luxury when others I love are in terrible situations because of similar such actions of mine. Selfishness, I expect. I have been blind to so many things these last months – I was blind to Wickham's true character, and to yours. I was blind to my duty to marry when Mr Collins asked. I was blind to my friend's willingness to marry him. I was foolish not to speak of Wickham's character, and in doing so, allowed him to take in my youngest and silliest sister. This, of course, means that Mr Wickham will be in the life of myself and my family, and that if we married, he would be in yours._

 _I could not allow you to make that sacrifice, just as I could not put Georgiana in any situation in which she would have to see him. It would not be just, or fair._

 _I love you most fervently, Mr Darcy, and it is for that very reason that I must not allow you to enter into matrimony with me – I could not face that I would be putting you into a life where you would be in any way unhappy. I wish you nothing but happiness, and I am sure that you will soon recover your feelings. I am certain that many weeks from this moment, you will be feeling no small measure of relief that you did not marry into the Bennets._

 _I wish that I had not been so selfish earlier, for if I hadn't, I would not be causing us both such considerable heartache. I am dearly sorry._

 _Elizabeth_

Darcy finished the letter and stood up a little straighter. He folded it carefully and moved straight to his horse.

Elizabeth could reject him if she wished – she had done it before – but he knew better now. He knew _her_ better now, and he knew that no matter what she said, it would not be so easy for him to forget her. No, he was just as stubborn as she, and he was not going to admit defeat just yet.

Fitzwilliam Darcy felt it was time he visited his aunt.

* * *

 _ **Hello dear readers! I hope you are enjoying the story so far! I had written all the way up to the ending from chapter 4, and then decided it didn't quite fit, so I had to go back and refit it all - so I apologise for taking so long between posts. It may take me a little while to get the next few up as well, as I am essentially writing them from scratch and will have to edit them more meticulously as I go.**_

 ** _So from this point onwards, the 'action', as it were, is split rather evenly between Darcy's perspective and Lizzie's, because different people's_** ** _perspectives on the same thing is always very interesting - take Darcy's first proposal for example. :)_**

 ** _I love your reviews and I thank you for reading this story. I have written and completed one other P &P story, but it is not really for the faint of heart. I love you all and hope you are all well! xx _**


	6. We'll Be Found

**_Come along it is the break of day_**  
 ** _Surely now, you'll have some things to say_**  
 ** _It's not the time for telling tales on me_**

 ** _So come along, it wont be long_**  
 ** _'Til we return happy_**  
 ** _Shut your eyes, there are no lies_**  
 ** _In this world we call sleep_**  
 ** _Let's desert this day of hurt_**  
 ** _Tomorrow we'll be free_**

 ** _Let's not fight I'm tired can't we just sleep tonight_**  
 ** _Don't turn away it's just there's nothing left here to say_**  
 ** _Turn around I know we're lost but soon we'll be found_**

 **SIA**

* * *

Lizzie watched the countryside as they moved through it; watched the birds flying across the sunny blue sky, watched the breeze lazily brush the trees. Usually the countryside calmed her, made her feel at home, but today she was too emotional for it to have any real effect.

Maria Lucas was beside her, and she would interrupt the uneasy silence every few minutes with a quiet sniffle. On Maria's other side was her eldest brother, James – Elizabeth had never known him very well, but despite their lack of things in common, he had always seemed a nice young man. The youngest Lucas, Elijah, was barely ten years young, and did not seem to understand exactly what Elizabeth was doing there. Lizzie had never spent much time with the boys: the eldest was always running errands or out foxhunting, and the younger was not yet the age for balls, so she only glimpsed him occasionally when she visited Charlotte at Lucas Lodge. Sir William was sitting across from Lizzie, reading a book, and his wife was beside him, seemingly asleep against the carriage wall. No-one had spoken except to say hello, and Lady Lucas hadn't said anything at all, whether asleep or not.

Lizzie didn't mind the silence. She lived in a house where it had always been a precious commodity, what with Lydia and Kitty about, not to mention Mrs Bennet. She would have been happy to maintain it for as long as the Lucases wished, but Maria, it seemed, was tired of sitting quietly.

"How is Jane? Is she excited in her engagement?" Maria asked softly, and Lizzie smiled.

"Not as excited as my mother, I'm sure, but she dearly loves Mr Bingley, and I am certain she will be perfectly happy once they are married and my mother cannot fuss so much," she said, and Maria giggled.

"Do you think you will ever get married?"

"Maria!" James scolded, glancing over her head apologetically.

"No, no, it is fine," Lizzie said. The truth was, she had never held marriage in high esteem, and had never felt inclined to enter into it until Mr Darcy had asked her a second time. Despite her letter to him, and her behaviour, she still saw her future as being beside him, "I told Jane many months ago that only the very deepest love will induce me into matrimony, and that has not changed thus far."

It was an honest answer, and although it wasn't the entire truth of her situation, she felt it was as much as she was willing to share. Maria Lucas was unsatisfied, however.

"Surely you have met a great many gentlemen at balls, and through friendships – did you not wish to marry any of them?"

"Maria, that is enough." James said, and this time Lizzie nodded a thank you over his head.

"What of you, Maria? Have you not found a husband yet? Lydia is younger than you and she has been married these three months past!" Lizzie joked, and Maria giggled. Even James and Sir William Lucas managed a smile, and as the carriage continued forth into the countryside, Elizabeth felt a little more comfortable in her decision to go with them to Rosings.

* * *

Darcy had finished packing late that afternoon, but he knew he could not leave until the next morning; it was already too late to make any ground. Only he and Bingley knew that Lizzie was no longer at Longbourn – everyone else believed her to be helping the Lucases, and had no inclination that she might be travelling to Rosings. So when, at dinner, he posited the idea of visiting his aunt, no-one was the wiser.

"Oh yes, I am sure _Lady Catherine_ would be delighted," Bingley said knowingly, and Darcy had half a mind to kick him beneath the table.

Georgiana was looking at him with a measure of distaste and he chuckled, "Do not fret yourself Georgiana, you do not have to visit her, I shall go alone. You have travelled a long way these past days already, I would not suggest to bring you halfway back home for the sake of my aunt."

"Georgiana, you do not wish to visit your aunt? She is an exceptional lady!" Caroline said patronisingly.

"It is as my brother says, I am tired from so much travelling and do not desire to do so again so soon." Miss Darcy said sheepishly, and Mr Darcy would have snorted had he been alone.

"I shall leave tomorrow and be back within the week." He said measuredly, and now Georgiana was staring at him in an altogether different way. He knew she was wondering why he would disappear at such a time, but he would have to explain once he returned with Elizabeth.

"You will have to tell Lady Catherine of my brother's engagement, and offer our condolences for the late Mrs Collins," Caroline suggested, and Darcy nodded his compliance.

"Of course, Miss Bingley. You do not mind spending time with my sister while I am away?" He asked, knowing the answer.

"Oh, absolutely not Mr Darcy, it is my utmost _pleasure_ to spend time with Miss Georgiana!" Caroline effused, and Georgiana looked, if possible, even more uncomfortable.

Darcy felt a little guilty – he knew how much energy it took to spend time with Miss Bingley and Mrs Hurst from experience – but he thought perhaps it would be good practice for her to overcome more of her shyness. He knew she did not mind the company of anyone, but he also knew that she felt intimidated by the women. Perhaps prolonged exposure to them would help her feel easier in their presence.

* * *

When they arrived at Rosings, late in the evening, Mr Collins greeted them with all the enthusiasm he could muster without appearing insensitive.

"Sir and Lady Lucas, it is an unfortunate pleasure to see you again under such _dire_ circumstances. Welcome back, all of you, to my modest Hunsford parsonage. I hope you humbly accept my condolences, and apologies, and my wishes that this visit were for more _palatable_ reasons." He said fussily, shaking Sir William's hand, and calling a young lady in servant's uniform to take their bags inside.

"Yes, well, I suppose…" Sir Lucas seemed lost for words, and more than a little lost in general. He had never been able to make head nor tail of Mr Collins, although he knew him to be a good match for his daughter, and an upstanding Christian man in general.

"We are sorry for your loss as well, sir," James stepped in.

"Yes, I suppose she is a loss to us all," Lizzie said, helping Maria down.

"Exactly Miss Bennet, exactly: as Matthew 5 verse 4 says, 'blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.' I believe we can all find comfort in each other's grief and move forward in hope." Mr Collins said, and everyone followed him inside.

Lizzie was sharing a room with Maria, and when they had unpacked, both girls went immediately to sleep, as did the rest of the household.

 **P &P&P&P&P&P**

The next morning, the girls both awoke with the light and stared up at the ceiling. Both of them were sad, and confused, and remembering what it felt to be in this house previously. They had been in separate rooms then, as their party had been smaller, but they had spent a great deal of time together, and they spoke every evening, usually with Charlotte in attendance. Elizabeth loved Maria Lucas as though she were family, just as she had loved Charlotte, and grew to know her better on their previous trip to Rosings. She had felt the girl would be a good influence to Mary and Kitty, who already both liked the girl well enough, but so much had transpired since that visit, that she hadn't really had a moment to broach the idea.

Maria was thinking about all the teas Charlotte had poured her, and the letters they had sent between them. Lizzie was counting the number of dinners they had shared at Rosings, as well as the lunches and afternoons walks they had undertaken around the grounds of the parsonage. They stayed that way for a long time, comfortable in each other's company, both just remembering their love for Charlotte.

Lizzie's thoughts turned to darker things - to her own feelings of guilt, to her heartache at the absence of the man she loved, and to her fears at seeing Lady Catherine again. She was beyond nervous; the last time she had spoken to Lady Catherine, their interaction had been… less than pleasant. She had refused to obey the woman, and had ended up in quite a heated argument. In turn, the woman had taken it upon herself to call on Darcy in London and tell him just how entirely insupportable it would be for him to marry her.

"I am not looking forward to dinner at Rosings tomorrow evening," Maria said, breaking the hour-long silence.

"Nor am I, Maria. Perhaps we should hide." Lizzie joked.

"That Lady Catherine scares me so much I feel I _should_ hide. She is so severe, and I never know how to comport myself in her presence."

"I believe that silence unless she directs the conversation towards you is always the safest of options." Elizabeth looked over at the girl and saw the clear mark of tears on her cheeks, "This is a different situation though, of course, Lady Catherine knows we are in mourning, perhaps she will not be so _severe._ "

A knock came at the door, and James's voice called through the wood, "Morning. Mr Collins has invited us all down for breakfast, but he allows that if you are not hungry, he can postpone it, or we can just skip it entirely and have lunch at a later hour."

Maria sighed and pulled her pillow over her face, "I wish I never had to eat with Mr Collins again."

Lizzie chuckled, "Ah yes, but you will regret missing your opportunity to eat at Hunsford tomorrow evening, when we are trapped at Rosings."

"All the same, I am not hungry," Maria said.

"Nor am I." Lizzie agreed. Her voice rose a little so James could hear, "Maria and I will skip breakfast, I believe. I am sure we will be down for lunch, however."

Maria looked more than a little miffed at Elizabeth's assumption that she would be ready by lunch, but she knew that she would require food soon, so she sat up and ignored the annoyance, "I think I will go for a walk. Would you like to join me?"

* * *

Mr Darcy was in a carriage, and rather bothered by it. He had intended to pack lightly and take his horse, to ensure he did not waste any time, but unfortunately, as Georgiana pointed out, it looked like rain.

As usual, she was right, and not an hour into the trip, the unmistakable noise of rain tapping the roof snapped him from his frustrated abstraction. He was unsure how Elizabeth would react to his sudden appearance, nor was he certain how his aunt would take his presence. He had sent a letter ahead the day before, but still he knew how acrimonious Lady Catherine could be, and he knew that she could not be pleased with him visiting while Lizzie was at Rosings, whether she knew of their engagement or not.

He shuddered to think that Lady Catherine might find out of their engagement or Lizzie's frustrations, and become another obstacle in his quest to be present for his fiancé, but he knew it wasn't likely. At that moment, it was more likely that Elizabeth herself would be an obstacle to their happiness, as she had been before, and he had been on many occasions. They were a sorry pair, he well knew, and he longed for the days when they could laugh together about their stubbornness in the face of contentment.

He sighed at the thought and stared into the rain, watching as it poured down the undulating hills and splashed against the carriage window.

* * *

Elizabeth and Maria had run inside almost as soon as the rain had begun, their hair wet, but otherwise undamaged. It mattered very little, as lunch was being set out, so they simply sat alongside the others. Maria had been quiet on their walk, but Lizzie didn't mind.

Mr Collins was talking a great deal, aiming to fill the vacuum of sound left by the utter silence of his guests. Not one of them was paying him any attention, but all had the look as though they were, so he forged forward.

Lunch ended without much fanfare, and while Maria elected to stay downstairs with her brothers, Lizzie wished to write to her own family. As she excused herself, she happened upon an open door, to a room she was intimately familiar with.

" _You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you,"_ she could almost hear the words. How bitterly she had received them then. How arrogantly he had taken her refusal. They had changed so much. Or had they? Perhaps they were as they had always been, but understood each other more accurately. Lizzie closed her eyes and remembered the day he had proposed the first time, felt the emotions she had then, and felt the anger at his actions. She felt how embarrassed she now was at their misunderstandings and arguments and missed glances. She felt keenly his absence at her side.

" _You are too generous to trifle with me,"_ he had said, when he proposed the second time. He believed her a paragon of generosity, amiability. She blushed at her words to him from two nights before, wrung her hands together at the way she had behaved. She had been foolish, she knew as much, but she did not know how to go back and fix things.

She would fix everything when she returned. Of course she would. She nodded to herself and continued upstairs to her room, to write to Jane and her father.

* * *

"Is that you, cousin?" A familiar voice called from the hall. Darcy peered around the corner and found Colonel Fitzwilliam smiling back at him.

"it is. How do you do?"

"Very well cousin, and you?"

"I am yet to decide," he tilted his head wryly and shrugged out of his jacket. As he hung it he asked, "Where is my aunt?"

"She is ordering the servants about – something to do with the Collins party coming to lunch tomorrow… she is quite upset about it, whatever it is. No matter, her mood will improve with your arrival."

"I highly doubt it, cousin. Have you met Aunt Catherine? Her mood rarely improves," Darcy joked, and Colonel Fitzwilliam chuckled, and glanced at him in surprise.

"You seem infinitely happier than the last time you were here," he noted.

"I would not speak in infinities, but I can say my spirit feels a little easier. Not entirely easy, however, as I know enough of Mrs Collins to feel sad at the loss of her."

"Oh yes, it has been rather a morose household since that day. I shudder to think what it must be at Hunsford parsonage, and how Mr Collins might be coping."

"I believe he will be coping in any way that Lady Catherine tells him to," Darcy quipped, an edge of bitterness to his voice, but before Colonel Fitzwilliam could ask about it, the Lady herself walked into the room.

"I hope this is not your doing, Fitzwilliam Darcy! Your mother would be ashamed!"

Darcy stepped back a little, in shock, "I beg your pardon?"

"That Bennet girl is coming to lunch tomorrow, and staying for the funeral. After I expressly told her, and _you_ that it is utterly impossible for an engagement between the two of you. If you have arranged for her to be here so that you may propose right beneath my nose, I will be _most displeased!"_

Colonel Fitzwilliam had a brief moment to take in the idea of his cousin and _'that Bennet girl'_ before Darcy drew himself up to his full height in anger.

"Aunt Catherine, I hardly think that the funeral of Miss Bennet's closest friend is an acceptable setting for a proposal! And I did not orchestrate her arrival – Miss Bennet has known Mrs Collins all her life, it makes perfect sense for her to be invited by the Lucases. I confess the idea of proposing to the woman beneath your nose is not only ridiculous, but utterly inconsistent with my character, and I wonder that you know me at all, Aunt?" He said angrily.

Lady Catherine surveyed her nephew carefully before replying, "I suppose you are right. It is an unhappy coincidence."

"I am sure Miss Bennet will be too busy grieving to pay my cousin any attention," Colonel Fitzwilliam said, "And he is right that he would not impose upon any woman in such a vulnerable state. Where did you get this idea, Lady Catherine?"

The woman began to respond, but interrupted herself when she saw a servant polishing a fixture too idly for her taste, and stormed across the hall to reprimand him. The Colonel turned to Darcy.

"Where _did_ she get the idea that you would propose to Miss Bennet?" There was a smile to his eyes that Darcy recognised, and he felt a slight blush rise up from his collar.

"I have a lot to fill you in on, cousin. Some of which I believe you already suspected, or gleaned for yourself. First, let us eat, then I will tell you all."


End file.
